Air Traffic Control

I wrote this "dramatic monologue" for my British Literature class. Note how it is neither dramatic nor British.

CAPTAIN'S LOG

Attention passengers, this is your captain speaking.

As you may have discerned

We are experiencing technical difficulties.

Do not be alarmed.

Many planes have landed with only one wing.

No, I am sorry; we are all out of honey-roasted peanuts;

Only salted remain.

As your captain, I am trying my best;

I am pushing all the buttons that I can find.

I am still wearing my pilot’s cap and my “wings”.

You should trust in me; I went to school for this.

This is still a No Smoking flight.

Remain in your seats and fasten the safety belt.

We are sending a priest down the aisles for any who desire Last Rites.

There are also available complimentary drinks,

A token of our appreciation.

The weather below is warm,

You can almost taste that desert air.

We hope you have enjoyed your flight

And hope to see you again real soon.